Monthly Archives: November 2008

still here

this might be the blog I have been meaning to write for ages, but have never really known how to begin, how to order it, what to put in, what to skip out.

anyway, generally the last few months have been pretty random, in many different ways. up and down, backwards and forwards, down and up, forwards and backwards. its been mad, and sometimes when I stop for 10 minutes I have no idea just which way I am actually going.

But the biggest thing to report, write, say, shout is I am still going. Still here. Still fighting on. Still beating the battles, although some days it does not feel that way at all. in the big grand scheme of things, i still feel like I am at the very bottom of a very very huge mountain. Although actually maybe I am between the bottom of the first step, keep on stepping up , then going back to the bottom. The 2 nd step seems to the one I trip on … but at present I keep trying to go beyond it.

It has to be said though, in amidst the fighting, the tears, the depression, the sadness, and the general crappiness or what is going on, there have been some real “sunshine” moments. And yeah “sunshine moments” is a cheesy expression i know, but actually thats what they have to me. Moments of light, sun shining through the clouds. And its been them that have been profoundly amazing enough to give me minutes, hours or sometimes the odd day of just laughter. there have also been some achievements too …

This summer I went Greenbelt again, and at some point , again I will write about one experience I had while I was there, that was so random, but so affirming at the same time.

Over the summer i have experienced some amazing friends being that … friends. From all over the world, country. Online and offline.

Its a powerful thing to have people who are willing to drop everything and be there in 5 minutes, or to spend 3 hours on the phone while your in one place and they are 3 hours away.

Its a powerful thing to have friends willing to be tough but to love at the same time, but to see their words through. Its a powerful thing to have friends standing beside you throughout the darkest times.

Its a powerful thing to know, that when you sit in front of them, and tell them stuff you know they dont know about, and will be surprised at, that still they respond with love, grace, and hugs.

its so powerful to have friends who are wise, generous, willing and above all understanding. so thank you.